Scribbles

In school we carried dictionary to learn new words, their meanings and use them to 'make sentences'. In school library Magazine 'Competition Success Review'- had an essay titled 'Words give wings to ideas'. I was happy to learn new words and say them to whoever came my way. Growing up has taught words are not enough and absolute. At times I fail to put words to order breathless sentences I frame but the magic Words remain in complete coherence with brain - orderless and deranged. Words remain euphemism for what I feel. Words reduce me. Words fail me. Words make me vulnerable. To be sane again I run away from words And sit Wordless.

How reluctant I was to make my documentary proposal when our teachers informed that we had to give individual proposal. I wrote my proposal on Pinjra Tod. See the serendipity, anything feminist comes home to me. Pinjra tod is an autonomous women’s’ collective to fight against gender discriminatory hostel rules in the Universities in Delhi. In our documentary we have tried talking about inception, politics, ideology and flaws with the movement. Today we gave the viva as well and now we know the documentary as a material thing is over. But Mahima who appeared in our documentary said something that keeps reverberating in my ears and will continue to (though I don’t know how long it would do) Mahima has been living in Delhi for seven years now and she says “No matter what my politics are and how liberated I feel in Delhi, I am not able to translate same in Agra”. She tells she doesn’t step out of home after seven pm in Agra, not because her parents have asked but while growing up and...

                                     As part of our social development paper, in this semester we discussed Class, caste and religious prejudices. As the semester is reaching its twilight stage, we are trying to discuss the prejudiced with which grew up, stereotypes and pre conceived notions about Hindu -Muslim. In class there is mix of Muslims, Hindus and one Christian .Among Muslims we have one Shia and rest are sunnis. It was for the first time in my life, where I sat with friends and a teacher to discuss the prejudices we had against each other (which were told since childhood but nobody addressed it). I guess it happened very late in my life. These things should have been discussed in homes and schools. Kids should fight and tease each other but the cause should never be Mosque or temple. They should learn t...

In an attempt to prevent my brain from becoming weak, I have started reading Hindi books. And as firm believer in serendipity, I got reward in form of ‘Azadi mera brand’, a travel memoir by Anuradha Beniwal gifted to me by Shabana. The book obviously inspires women to travel alone and liberate themselves from the shackles of patriarchy. Feminism echoes throughout the book. Along with it the book gives some deep life lessons. When Anuradha talks about her childhood she says her childhood was about playing chess and becoming the world champion .She says she worked hard to become chess champion. But she realized in attempt to be the best she was losing the life.   Somewhere in between winning and losing the life is lost. This one paragraph gave me insight into craving for recognition and to get awards. We all dream to achieve something and to be in the limelight. However the focus shifts from process to product, from journey to destination. If somebody wants to be the actor,...

Throwing the thin blanket that she sleeps with, she gets up from her bed, stretches a bit and walk few steps. Along with blanket, she throws dead thoughts, awry issues, stale feelings and procrastination. She washes face and brushes her teeth . She stands in the balcony for a moment and stares at the house, which is still in making .A few months back there was nothing but moulds of dust here ,however today a home is about to get ready. Window panes and door frames are fitted into the empty spaces in the wall. Act of building home, she thinks is similar to act of writing. Every inception begins form an idea. The idea is forged into a material thing. As home is build brick by brick, a piece is written word by word. She also notices huge green cloth that is used to cover the house while it is still in making, from the dust and outside world. Yes when you are writing, you need to focus on what you feel and what you want to write. When millions are speaking and rest seem to speak the s...