I want to seek pleasure in the city,where I was born.

How reluctant I was to make my documentary proposal when our teachers informed that we had to give individual proposal. I wrote my proposal on Pinjra Tod. See the serendipity, anything feminist comes home to me. Pinjra tod is an autonomous women’s’ collective to fight against gender discriminatory hostel rules in the Universities in Delhi. In our documentary we have tried talking about inception, politics, ideology and flaws with the movement.

Today we gave the viva as well and now we know the documentary as a material thing is over. But Mahima who appeared in our documentary said something that keeps reverberating in my ears and will continue to (though I don’t know how long it would do)

Mahima has been living in Delhi for seven years now and she says “No matter what my politics are and how liberated I feel in Delhi, I am not able to translate same in Agra”. She tells she doesn’t step out of home after seven pm in Agra, not because her parents have asked but while growing up and her experience as young girl is so discouraging that she doesn’t feel free in Agra”

Yes, Homes and hometowns are the places where feminism is hard to practice. Keeping the nostalgia apart, in my hometown my mobility shrinks, not because my parents don’t allow me to but because while growing up as a girl, I was conditioned not to stay outdoors after 8 pm.I haven’t seen roads of Lucknow at midnight on my own.I never tried exploring my own city ,on my own.

I have a dream to roam carefree on the roads of Lucknow under the midnight sky. I want to seek pleasure in the city where I was born. I want to walk barefoot, all alone without being accompanied by anyone. I want to eat ice cream, dance and sing my favourite song on the roads of my city, all without fear and suspicion in my mind. I want to tell the world outside is completely safe, because I think the state shall just not offer 1090 but public transport and other amenities that would insure that I am safe outside and can take bus or anything for that matter to get back home .No relative shall then tell my parents “Aapki beti raat mein sadak par akeli ghoom rahi thi,apse pehle hi kaha tha ladkiyon ko itni azadi nahi deni chahiye”

When Girls like me and Mahima leave back their hometowns and come to big cities, we know what we were missing- Freedom and mobility. Feminism becomes so easy to practice and preach too. This irony will remind us that the change never reaches there where it is needed the most. Homes as unit remain patriarchal that’s why society remains patriarchal. All those who keep saying we shall change the world, perhaps never went back to home to mend the flaws. That’s why no revolution came and sustained.

We become feminists, and then we keep enlightening the parts that already have lights .We never go back to the places where we experience darkness .I will consider myself to be a failure and I will fail my feminism if I fail to spread what I have learnt among the women who need it the most.

When I was in Lucknow my mobility came with “conditions apply”. I always needed to had some work to be out of home. Even today when I go for holidays, I rarely move out without reason. I was brought up to believe good girls from good families don’t stay out without reason, because home is where a woman needs to spend her life. Roads, travel are not meant for women.

When I go home and see my female friends (who did not get opportunity to come out) trapped in the identity of their own, I feel sorry for them. They will perhaps never even question the things, they are taught to keep a man beside while you travel in day or night. Though they live in the city, but they don’t own it. There is constant fear in their minds; there is constant vigil on their movements.

Women are not encouraged to travel because we carry burden of our bodies which in turn carry honor of our families.

In Delhi I travel alone, I loiter alone (not to the extent I want to, but I do).I enjoy my life without being interrogated too much. Thankfully I do not stay in University hostel which gives me more freedom to explore the city

Sabah  another student we interviewed in our documentary, who hails from Ajmer Rajasthan says when she goes back to her home and home town ,she has behave in certain manner, the girl who has to get married and walk with heads down.

And I know it’s easier to ask for freedom in Delhi than in our hometowns