In morning I got up to write on the women lives and
all that happened in the class room discussion on misogyny, however while I was
scribbling in my dairy I felt that I am so shallow and fake. My pen stopped
then and there. Creator beacons me “Niharika, you always write about lives of woman
,you always tell society how shallow its principals are, the society needs to
be awaken from slumber, you are always angry at the people of the world. But, what
about your growth? Your development? Would you not like to write about how
shallow you are and are you not angry on yourself about the fact?”
This was my moment. I need to transform myself first
then only I can ask people to reform. Years ago, someone said to me “You can
understand toughest English vucab. But what’s the benefit if you can’t
understand a person”. Though that time I did not understand that person or what
he meant. I understood it today, to be more precise morning of 25 March 2015,
6:30 am.
So how this realization happened, I used to crack jokes,
make fun of one our classmates. But when I came to know of her history and life,
I wanted to slap myself. Though I claim that I understand the grief of humanity,
I understand humanity (thanks intellectual arrogance, self obsession), But it’s
hard for me understand the person next to me, who stays with me throughout the
day. All of us wear a mask of serving the society; we believe that world is
that bad place. But only this morning I realized I need to serve myself with
lots empathy ,I need to realize my faults ,accept that I need lesson.
So despite the fact that I am pursuing post
graduation, I have read books, I have attended seminars, workshops, still I
cannot understand person. Creator said
it loud “Wow! Miss Niharika .This is what happens when you become self obsessed
.When you see no one except yourself. Today please say satires in your name
instead of hymning paeans. Please write to enlighten the darkness within yourself,
instead of marching ahead with lamps to enlighten the society”
It’s all easy to give our expert comments about someone,
give judgments, laugh on others, misunderstand others because we think we are
supreme creatures, we know it all, we have seen the world. We are well read,
well educated. We have read it all from NCERT, to penguin India, Harper Collins,
vintage publications etc .But we will never read person next to us, we will
never understand what he feels, whether he is hurt or not. We will never try to
know his history. His life .his dilemmas, we will just enforce our shallow
knowledge which is rented from some big author or heavy book.
It’s very easy to feel sad about the strangers in
the news stories, empathize with them, cry for them, but how difficult it is to
feel about, empathize with or cry for the person next to you. We look for
things outside; especially I look for things outside: stories from the world but
I never tried knowing people who were or are closer to me. I never sat them to
listen to their stories, to understand them. I feel proud that I have made
people around me feminist, but did I myself become ‘human’ in first place. I am
angry at myself. I am embarrassed, I am shocked. I plan to travel every remotest
parts of the world and know its people. Why did I never think of revisiting the
remotest corner of my heart that is dead for a long time?
Thank you ‘someone’ for beaconing me .For stopping
me from becoming like scientist who went on moon, but doesn’t know how to live
on earth. For stopping me from becoming development student who works to make
society better, but never makes an effort to make herself better .For saving me
from becoming superficial writer who writes about lives of others through her
eyes only nut never tries to see people from their eyes.
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