What is the market rate of grooms this wedding season?

Since childhood wedding ceremonies have made me unhappy, frustrated and depressed. I never liked attending them, as I was lazy about grooming myself. With my age, the aversion and exasperation has grown too but for other reasons. Over the years the way marriages are conducted in India have changed drastically. Ceremonies have become capitalist in nature with fat pompous and ugly display of wealth and prosperity. Country that still struggles to feed, educate or give quality life to its majority of the citizens, looks ridiculous when celebrates the marriages with such lavishness.

Marriages in India are anti development because of following reasons-dowry is one of the strongest reasons amongst all; it fosters and deepens the caste system, vulgar display of wealth and of course the fashion parade. Just for one night affair entire life’s savings are wasted, and who can afford to waste, those who have access. Those who don’t possess they are marred by excess competition in the market. In marriage market, if someone has less to pay for dowry, another customer is ready with higher rate. Why dowry never came to an end because it’s treated as norm and culture and in India norms and cultures are never challenged. Even educated don’t have temerity to question to it.

So those who say marriage is all about love, union, family and culture, I have a question –in labyrinth of greed, show-off it’s hard to find all these great  abstract values.

Social evil dowry is welcomed and graced as a way of life. Even women take pride in acquiring handsome dowry in name of love and blessing from their parents. Pseudo feminism may have helped urban middle class women in attaining appalling education, money, employment and equality but when it comes to challenging and fighting the roots of patriarchy everybody is silent. Be it accepting arranged marriages, dowry customs, staying home post marriage content with their role in kitchen and bedroom or fasting for their husbands.

Education in India has not been a liberator rather it has exacerbated the regressive trends, if not then by both genders never challenge the conservative ideas of marriage. The rate of grooms is fixed as per his education qualification and job position. Here doctors, civil servants, managers, engineers dominate the market; I am not sure of journalists though. It’s apathetic to see dowry trends are getting neo-liberal in parallel with economy.

It might sound churlish but making love on the bed begged in dowry is far more ridiculous and hilarious than faking orgasm on the first night. Doesn’t eating on dining table that came in as dowry make you twit who decided he would not eat the royal way until someone gifts him the dining table? Doesn’t the porcelain doll and macho face of bride and groom resembles that of loser in front of dressing table that came in as dowry.

Indian marriages cannot be termed as progressive because Indians marry in homogenous societies-same caste (different gotra,), same religion, same economic background, to some extent same education as well. Roti-beti relationship is meant for homogenous communities.  Pity the people who still believe in the idea that clan’s blood should remain within clan and intermingling with different caste or religion will make blood impure. Why when rest of the world discusses development and revolution, India still caught in the web of caste, religion and petty issues. Post independence Indians have not taken anything seriously but religion and caste. Indians are megalomaniac and narcissist about both these things. The Indian Human Development Survey conducted by National Council of Applied Economic Research and University of Maryland says only 5% marriages are inter caste. Earlier match makers and newspapers’ matrimonial pages reflected the trend of caste in marriage, but now technology is also put to use to continue this regressive trend. One cannot register on matrimonial sites until one enters his caste and disturbing is to see such sites are endorsed by so called wordsmiths to help find people their love. What is that love that happens within terms and conditions of sameness of caste or religion or community?

Other economic hazard of marriages is on those families who struggle to cope with capitalist economy and are sustaining in meager income but because of societal obligation they have to be part of wedding ceremonies. Buying gifts, clothes and jewelry disturbs their monthly budget .They forcibly eat grand and sumptuous feast in wedding with fake smile because they know for rest of the month it would be difficult for them to arrange even dal –chapattis. Their eyes are full of animosity towards the occasion that cannot be seen by those who are blinded by pomp and show. They cut down on their necessary expenditure to fit and match the pompous wedding celebrations in the relative’s house. Marriage parties are sheer wastage of money, time and energies. But who cares because there are who are prompt to say-my life, my rule, my money.

 The wedding ceremonies are not only tragedy but comedy as well. It’s like theatre performance. Bride and groom are actors, parents are producers, and relatives perform brilliantly as stooges. And as they say script is written by stars or destiny.  Both bride and groom appear imbecile throughout, all what they do is smile all the time unnecessarily at every passerby ,every action .Others stare at them as items for display, inspecting their makeup, attire, footwear ,expressions and gestures. It also the envy ground where so called divas act as show’s topper. They don’t looks at each other or their attires because if their own dress looks less beautiful or less classy than somebody else they would soon run into depression. Who comes to wedding to bless bride and groom? Funniest is the photo shoot of bride where she has to make pose as asked by the photographer pretending she is happy, optimistic about her coming life. Some are there to eat, some to show off, some to find their partners; some to gossip, some to make money and people like me just look for event that could make for blog piece.

While the wedding season is catching up, the paper wastage can be seen. People have started receiving wedding cards-cards that say hardly anything about wedding but the money invested in printing them. Shops are ready with their latest wedding collections, offering huge discounts to make people look elegant, no matter that elegance lasts for one night. Beauty parlors are coming with special bridal make-up schemes. All that is fine but can anyone tell what is the market rate of grooms this wedding season?