If a man fails in any fight for strength –society says
he is not enough man.
If man is not tall and handsome- society says he is
not enough man”.
If a man is unable to impregnate his woman,- society
says he is not man”.
If a man cries, loves compassionately and is not
flesh hungry.
Society says-Come on, be a man.
Society is not only difficult for woman to survive
but for a man to prove his manliness as well. The way there is set notions of
how a woman should be, the same way there are notions and stereotypes against
how a man should be.
Ask anyone to define masculinity –the answer would
be –“tough, rough, hard, macho, sexy physique, has unmatched libido” and if any
man fails to fit within this benchmark he is referred to as less-man or crude
word “namard”.
In the documentary ‘Father, son and the holy war’ by
Anand Patvardhan, this reality is shown very honestly. How power is synonymous
with the masculinity and masculinity with power and because of this, wars are fought,
humanity is murdered.
If we open our history books we will find that all
the wars were fought by men (kings), all the conspiracy against kingdom were carried
by men, woman only played catalyst. Thus it is the legacy that turned
masculinity to be crude, violent and harmful.
Parents gift their sons- guns, pistols, and all the
tools that are violent. We give suggestions -on how to stop men from being
violent and rapists. Do we ever ponder how this parenting is flawed and regressive?
This is how patriarchy has harmed both men and women,
by restricting roles of both the gender and made their rigid character traits.patriarchy
is responsible for gender violence (gender here does not mean only female, it
means men, lesbians, gays, transgender, bisexuals). When we see policemen or
society for that matter demeaning all of them especially LGBT the community, we see how this
all is relative. This community lives beyond the set roles of gender set by
society.
Coming back to how men suffer because of patriarchy.
Fathers are generally stricter in dealing with their sons in respect to their career,
livelihood and job. If you came on the earth(India) with ‘penis’-your life is
set this way-good in studies, sports, sit for the toughest exams-IIT-JEE,have girlfriend
for time pass ,become IAS, marry the right girl( of course right means decision
by parents, relatives), earn livelihood, have well manner kids, balance your
love for your mother and wife and what not.
Society tells you are not a man until you have sex,until
you impale woman ,until you outperform woman in bed or frankly speaking until you
have strong and hard penis.Have you ever wondered all the ads on the walls
,newspapers or Television frustrate men by content-“mardana takat ke liye
sampark karien”.”How to get it hard”, making their sexuality vulnerable, by emphasizing
on their sexual prowess. The documentary-father ,son and the holy war has
scenes where the man is selling ‘sheelajeet’ –herb to enhance libido, he was
selling as if he is selling life to man and if they don’t buy it they’ll die soon.
The documentary has one scene where Muslim men are ridiculed to be eunuch or katua(referring to circumcision),like if
you have to assault woman attack her breasts or vagina,if you have to assault
man ,attack his penis.
Any man who is caught helping his wife, mother or
sister in kitchen, is laughed off. Their masculinity is challenged if they help
them in their chores and give them proper rest while they are menstruating.
So how the media is responsible for it-it reinforces
patriarchy all the way. By concepts of macho-ism “tag lines such as mardo wali
baat,mardo ki fairness cream.”In movies men are –strong, athletic, leaders, respected
and also hooligans. Women too contribute to this phenomenon –how often women
select or reject man on basis of height, personality, richness, masculinity, toughness.
There is notion women love man who is enough man
Thus patriarchy has not made womanhood vulnerable but
also manhood. It violates both, it cheats both, and it suppresses both. If
something is too degenerating should not we challenge it?
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